Processing Trauma with Ayahuasca After My Drug Conviction | Friederike Meckel Fischer

After she was busted for providing underground psychedelic therapy, Friederike Meckel Fischer processed the trauma of her arrest with ayahuasca

Psymposia Psychedelic Stories @ Breaking Convention 2017

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically from YouTube's captions, then cleaned up by removing filler words, repeated words and background sounds. It may still contain errors.

[00:00] One morning in two or nine in I haven't shared this before publicly but the story the details of the story in one month morning on the 30th of October in 209 the bell the doorbell rang twice at 6:30 in the morning and I thought I was dreaming but all of a sudden I wasn't dreaming I stepped out of bed because I heard some rumors in the house and there then I went out without my glasses earplugs in my ear looked out and I heard my husband say Frederica he never

[01:02] Calls me Frederica he calls me or oiler or spit by a nickname he said Frederica here is the police Africa this is the police and I looked and I saw figures standing on the stairs and a guy came to me and said may I read your rights and this was the moment I realized they had caught us and it was a death a minimum like a hair of a second that it made pin in my head and my heart was beating there I had no more feeling and I was functioning and I said yes what can I do for you and I knew this was the moment of dissociation

[02:04] Perfect it was the beginning of trauma research on my own person and then the usual thing happened they searched through the whole house and separated my husband and me and they took me into handcuffs and brought me to the police station they never in custody for quite a while and then I had this trial and then a strange thing happened to me I am how managed this time it was more than half a year between the arrest and the trial and then in the trial I stood there and all of a sudden I hear a voice say to me in German naturally so maybe I tender and he was not can you translate this hender and he was not put your hands at this

[03:06] Site yeah put the hens at the scene seams of your trousers and I knew it was my father he's he passed the way he got killed when I was five and I had done a lot of trauma of work on this to reconnect so he was standing in the trial behind me and I told me to be like a soldier and to so that was perfect naturally then when the child was over and I got this sentence that I hadn't got to go to prison but to two years on probation for 16 months of prison for dealing with LSD then I said in a concert and it was to pound I finally said I relax you know I'm free and all of a sudden I see my eyes I am out-of-body looking into my cell where I am sitting and then I knew I have to

[04:07] Really deal with this issue so the next fall I went to Brazil to drink ayahuasca and I was cursed for me so certificate to drink that I all the time think I'm going to die but I in the initial round I said I want to exactly get this thing reversed of this might not want to work through the whole president thing and so on so the session starts a drink for me quite an amount and I noticed that I'm fainting so I called the guy and say can I faint and he says he associates with the country so there I go and I faint and I it got totally cold and inside me like in no clear there's no clear of life got cold

[05:10] And I went through the sort of a tunnel and then I stepped over a door thing you know what well you step for money won't or the other and all of a sudden I notice this is the room where the dead go before they enter the next step and I was really for a moment and then I see my father there and he holds something in his hand and says to me I give this back to you I took care of it while you had lost it and it was part of my soul so he gave me this part of the soul back and then this very moment I remembered that I had promised my husband not to die on the session so then I said I have to go back so the guy that I had caught who I allowed me

[06:13] To faint happened to have his hand like this little fingers touched and I felt the warmth and the life of his finger and I breathed through the little tried to breathe I hurt him it talked to me please breathe so I took a breast over the little finger connected with him and finally the life got in back into me so then I was very thankful that I had my soul part back but I still had a question to the plant so I took a tiny little booster and asked if I could go back to my room to be alone for a moment and then I asked the plant I even knelt down and I said please now

[07:14] That I have my soul perfect give me the feeling let me see perceive the feeling that I had in that moment when of the dissociation I didn't get an answer so I started since I'm I have worked with psychedelics myself as a therapist I asked question questioning myself like digging like the dentist that digs in into the red thread where is the feeling of that moment and I could not find any feeling so after a while the plan says said to me like my father did stand up so I stood up and I looked out of the window at the sky and the plant said to me there are no feelings in such a vivid moment such a fast moment there is no place for feelings dissociation doesn't have a feeling there I was so now then I think and I really I was so

[08:17] Thankful and the session ended with me being like this in God's hands and this was the overcoming of the trauma of the arrest thank you